WARNING - Many of you will find this post offensive for any number of reasons. That doesn't mean I have targeted you specifically. It means my opinion and thoughts are different from yours. And believe me, on this particular topic, there will be differences of opinion and thought. So if you're going to go into "oversensitive mode", just stop reading right now and go find something else to do. Because I am going to be very blunt.
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Thanks for sticking around. Again, I warn you that this is a very sensitive topic. And I'm not really interested in your opinion, even if you do agree with me. I'm stating what should have been pointed out years ago, and I only recently have been learning. Hold on to your hats, because here we go.
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In my personal journey of faith and discovery, I've made a lot of changes. Maybe I should say the Holy Spirit has made a lot of changes in me. I've learned that much of what I was taught, and much of what I assumed to be correct, is really on the wrong side of the fence from where I should have been. One of those areas relates back to the so-called Purity Pledge. Remember those days? My assumption was that the intent of this pledge was for our young people to keep themselves modest and sexually pure until marriage. Although that technically is true, it is only a small part of the indoctrination we were subjecting our young people to. Yes, I said indoctrination.
I honestly had no clue that our teens were being taught that the girls were responsible for a teen boy's lustful thoughts. I had no idea that they were being told boys had sex on the brain because it's in their nature, and so it's up to girls to not provoke impure thoughts in them, rather than the boys being taught self-control and restraint in their thoughts and actions towards girls!!
Pastors, youth pastors, Sunday School teachers, parents - if you taught this, or knowingly allowed it to be taught to your children, you are guilty of sexualizing our girls, while telling the boys it's okay because "they can't help themselves"! Let me take that one step further and say that you are making our girls out to be natural whores, while telling the boys rape is not their fault should they commit that particular violation.
You are guilty of teaching our youth that girls are only good for sex. That if a boy takes advantage of her, it's the girl's fault regardless of circumstances. You are guilty of devaluing our girls in the very same way girls in the middle east are devalued. (Need I explain that?)
You are also guilty of making our girls victims of sexual and emotional abuse because these teachings tell her that she is to carry the blame of someone else's sin nature. And that's not something she can atone for.
You have also told her that her only worth as a wife is to provide for her husband's carnal desires, regardless of her own needs and feelings. That if the marriage is not what it should be, it's her fault because she's not "putting out" like she ought to.
I can't tell you how this angered me when I learned about it. And I'm going to put the record straight here and now. NOWHERE IN THE BIBLE does it say any of this stuff! Not one verse says the women are to blame for a man's lustful thoughts when they happen to be in the same room together. Unless that woman is a declared prostitute. But even then, that man has made a conscious choice regarding his sexual desires.
Nowhere in the Bible have I read that women are good only for sex. Nowhere. Unless I am drastically deluded, I believe it says women are to be treated respectfully. Husbands are to LOVE their wives, not molest them or other women uncontrollably. Neither are we told it's okay because men "can't help themselves".
We are told that women were created as a helpmeet, a compliment to man. A partner. HOW DARE ANYONE take that so completely out of context and twist it like it has been done!! How dare anyone tear our girls and young ladies down like that!! We are all created in God's image. Do you really think He had nothing but carnal sex on his mind when He created Eve? If you do, you're worshiping the wrong god.
Yes, if I could go back, there are definitely some things I would have done differently. No parent can say otherwise. But I made it a point to try and teach my daughter self-worth. I taught my sons that they, and they alone, are responsible for controlling their natural urges. And yes, I also taught them that if they just couldn't keep themselves in check until they got married, they were responsible for the outcome. Not the girl. Even if she's a willing partner in sex outside of marriage, it's never always and only her fault. There are two people involved. (Keep in mind, sexual assault is a whole different thing, and is completely the fault of the person committing that assault).
Parents, it is your responsibility to know what your children are being taught in any faith-based situation, be it summer camp, Sunday School, Youth Rally, whatever. Ask your children questions. And answer openly and honestly any questions they have. I have still got an open-door policy with my kids even though they are well into adulthood. If you feel like something isn't quite right, question it. Don't assume the kids are exaggerating or being dramatic because they're upset or angry about something they don't want to go into detail on. Follow your gut instinct, and ask that pastor/youth pastor/teacher/camp leader! If the things being taught are not biblical, get your child out of that situation immediately. Protect that gift God has blessed you with!
